dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
There's a naked man in my car right now.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Randomize
