My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize