Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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