Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
