My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I pour the whiskey from now on
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Randomize
