walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I have tasted many bathrooms
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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