They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
