take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Randomize