so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
