totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
