used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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