he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
