i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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