I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
