His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
