Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
