I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Randomize
