So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
