Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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