So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Randomize
