Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
