Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
He shit in the fireplace
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
