You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize