What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
