My hair reeks of homosexuality.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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