i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
