What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize