i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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