fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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