I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize