Kiss
Puke
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
