Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
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