How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Randomize
