My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
