you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
