So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Randomize
