We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
