I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
