Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
