I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
