So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
