right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
If I had your ass I would rule the world
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
