So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize