I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
