I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
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