Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
