She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Randomize
