dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
