I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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