you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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