We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize