she looked like the bat from fern gully.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
