Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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