A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
