Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Randomize
