I accidentally burped into my bong.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
