My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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