I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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