i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
