Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
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