Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Im part way to drunk.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Randomize
