ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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