The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
is that a dick in a sweater?
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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