so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
i dont even know how to be here
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I deserve to be covered in dicks
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
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