Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Randomize
