I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
