Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
This house was built for laser tag.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Did we literally take a cab across the street
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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