she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
