There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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