I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Randomize
