Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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