how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
COCAINE IS GR8
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
