Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
