I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
