its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
