Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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