Plan B is the new Plan A
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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