You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
