What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
