Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
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