he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize