I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
